Unable to accept that love that is going around. (Monday, May 30, 2011 / 1:33 PM)
Once again, i chose to revive my blog,
though i am just always saying that i wanted to blog again.
But now, other then this blog, I don't really wanted to say things out to anyone like how i was used to be. I just wanted to voice it out here.
If anyone bother to read it that is (:
Well, time really pass by fast. Lots of things happen.
Many unexpected things happens too.
I have never felt so shocked before.
Guess that, i didn't see that coming.
What is it like to fell in love, feel love or even, someone knew your presence.
It seems like i have always reckon others presence but neglect my own presence instead.
I won't mention names but i will just put it as 'K'. I bet he knew himself.
I doesn't deserve such good treatment from him though. Cause i knew myself, I just couldn't accept that love given. Im just not ready enough. I don't force or begged others to stay by my side. Quite pathetic as i could say. I just want a simple life.
I could see the effort he put, the changes he made. But no matter what, he is still young. I prefer maturity and speaks with confidence. It hurts to say. But i can't see myself with him.
But sometimes, im just felt so bitch! Sometimes i wish i could hug him or stuff. But that was just using. I often restrain myself from doing that. I can be cruel sometimes. But he doesn't care. Why bother to care and concern without any return?
It was as good as suicide. Maybe i still can't accept that the fact that his past love life do shocked me. I felt insecure and scared.
I doesn't want to accept anyone else. Im shut to myself in my heart. Strong on the outer, weak in the inner. No matter what is coming for me. I will just push every guy away. At least, i don't have to decide who and the path i took. Pressure i guess. Unable to accept the thing called
love.
I hope that I would walked out from my past as soon as possible.
Me, myself, is not sure when i will be able to walk out.
Just trying not to think, smiling as usual.
Time heals. Well, no exact time given when to stop. Will just have to keep walking.
Emo? Nahs, Not anymore.
Writing it out makes me feel less burden. Though it all sounds stupid.
But well, am myself. I don't need any others to approve the person i am.
Time for a break off the lappie.
Ciaos.
Labels: repeated mistakes
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